Jayna’s Fantastical Pregnancy Diet
Posted By jayna on September 17, 2008
Hi. Um, yeah. Really, I still live here. See, that’s my butt indent on the couch over there.
So. Anyone up for an awesome new diet? Guaranteed to make you drop 5 pounds in less than two weeks. No exercise necessary AT ALL!!!!
Step One ~ Get knocked up. Realize you are knocked up by that strange, queasy feeling that won’t go away.
Step Two ~ Announce said pregnancy. Be super excited for this go round.
Step Three ~ Commence puking. Lots of puking.
Step Four ~ Find all food to taste like cardboard. Everything. Even chocolate.
Step Five ~ Start each morning by gagging down three Ritz peanut butter crackers. Stop halfway through the fourth one, spitting it out before you puke back up the other three.
Step Six ~ Choke down a banana and a few swigs of ginger ale over the course of six to eight hours.
Step Seven ~ Create permanent indent on couch. Become THAT mom who lets their child watch TV all morning. Move only to puke, pee, or feed the kid.
Step Eight ~ Refuse to even waste any energy picking up a laptop.
Step Nine ~ Whine, miserably, when the husband gets home after dinner time every night. Fall asleep an hour later.
Step Ten ~ Repeat daily for weeks on end.
Yes. That, dear friends, is how I’ve been spending my days. Add in a torturous weekend stuck in the car while looking for a new one, and that’s all the fun and excitement that I haven’t been blogging about. Today was pretty awesome though. There was an entire two hour stretch where I wasn’t contemplating puking, and I even got some sewing done.
If we I decide to stop at two kids, this will be the reason why.
Ugh. You poor girl.
Hope this clears after the first trimester. But I'm still so very excited for you guys, even if it means puking.
That does sound fantastical. And you make it sound so easy! ;)
I hope you get feeling better soon.
I think this post will be sufficient fodder for using against the kid someday. You may now stop with the diet.
Soon. I hope.
Were you this sick with the first pregnancy?
Just keep thinking: week 13, week 13, magical mystical week 13, how I can't wait for your arrival and the departure of the puking. :)
Oh my, I am just glad everything is alright, I was getting worried. I hope you feel better.
Just checking in and hoping everything is OK and perhaps a little less Fantastical with that diet. :-)
I hope you are doing better.