And Then I Remembered Why Girls Suck
Posted By jayna on May 21, 2010
When I was in 5th grade, I was friends with the cool kids. Cool kids that lived in nice developments with big houses. The ones that had crazy sleepover parties and played “light as a feather” and “truth or dare”. Girls that would turn on someone and ruin their entire year.
Thankfully, they waited until the end of the school year to turn on me.
I vividly remember that being one of the most traumatizing times of my childhood. Laughter, names and spitwads followed me across the classroom. Every single friend on my street stopped talking to me. My 11 year old world crumbled.
The start of middle school brought new friends and the end of the tormenting. I recovered. The status was dork and nerd for the rest of school, but I was cool with that. That experience burned me and left me screening everyone I called a friend. It shaped my teenage years and, no doubt, put a stamp on the person I am today. And, while that is a good thing, that I am who I am, I wouldn’t wish that kind of rejection on any person in the world.
Especially not my baby.
New House is in a tiny neighborhood with only 30 townhomes. They are all around a circular drive that is perfect for bike riding, which is what most of the kids can be found doing on any afternoon. They run and scream and race their bikes around and around. E often can be found sitting at the front door, watching them, and bellyaching about how she needs to go outside and play with them.
Unfortunately though, E is younger than all of the other kids by two years. And while she towers over the five year olds in height, her social skills are clearly that of a three year old. She desperately wants to tag along, to play their games, to be included. But the reaction time just isn’t there. The language just isn’t there. The ability just isn’t there. Even though she trys so hard.
On her birthday, we picked up a big girl bike and training wheels, in hopes that she would forgo the tricycle that she kept knocking her knees on. Slowly, she’s getting it. But that’s the key. Everything is slow. Coasting slower than molasses kind of slow. Panicking when she picks up any speed, ditching the bike instead of putting on the brakes, reaching out for someone to catch her instead of turning away from the ditch. It’s a process. But, hey, she’s three. Right?
Tonight, we hit the road for a few laps after dinner. MJ was in her buggy and happy as a clam. E crept around the circle, being reminded every few seconds to watch where she was going or to keep her feet on the pedals. Everyone was happy. Then, the other girls came out. A five year old, a seven year old and an eight year old. They all jumped on their bikes and began whizzing around the circle. Around and around and around.
E desperately tried to follow them, calling out “Hi Sarah!” or “Hi Laura!” as they would pass. Each time was met with giggles. Not the good kind. They noticed she was following them and they changed directions. She immediately hopped off, spun her bike around and furiously tried to keep up. They laughed, and switched again. And again. And again. Laughing. At my baby.
I plotted ways to toss a stick in their spokes.
Then I settled for a diversion, and steered E in the opposite direction, up the road, away from the girls and the little circle. We made it all the way to the end and were slowly plodding our way back. The confidence was building, the pedals were turning. Everyone was happy. Then three little bikes came tearing up the street. They flew past, circled around and stopped in our path. Ever oblivious, E chirped “Hi!!” She was delighted that they came to play with her and started showing them all the fancy stuff her bike has. But, instead of admiring her streamers and bell, they stared at her, mocked her amongst themselves and then left.
And, with that, it was over.
Over in so many ways. Our happy evening – out the window. Good behaviour- out the window. The end of the bike riding, as she had to be towed back to the house. I swear I saw smoke coming from her little ears as her brain tried to process what had just happened.Rejection isn’t easy, no matter how old you are.
I saw a flash of the future in raising this sensitive little girl.
And it made me sad.
For her.
And for me.
And for all the mean girls out there that need a stick tossed through the spokes of their wheels.
oh. how i hate this. it makes me so sad to be the mama of girls. i’m trying SO hard to instill in them a love for all. but … it’s difficult when their friends aren’t getting the same messages at home.
wishing you luck in this scary road of being a mama to girls.
It is scary, isn’t it? Especially knowing that you can do your best to teach them, but there are so many out there to fight it!
That story makes me really sad. Melrose is the same way. She watches older children and so badly wants to join their fun. We were at the park the other day and this 5-6 year old kept on running up the slide, while Melrose tried to slide down the slide, and literally trampled her twice. I was grumbling four letter words while I sprinted over to the slide. Dan thought he might have to restrain me. The moms, of course, were not paying attention to their little brat beating up on a 22 month old who, while being trampled, was trying to say hi and wave to the little brat. I gave the evil eye to the children and moms. I’m wondering if they allow twenty and thirty somethings into kindergarten….
I’ve considered teaching E how to fight back. You know, just for the bully at the play place.
That may not go over so well in school though . . .
Ugh! Mean girls do suck. The sad part is they start younger and younger it seems. I hope your little one finds friends that she can trust and count on to treat her kindly. I’m all for the stick in the spokes. She is absolutely precious, by the way.
They really do.
And thanks :-)
That just broke my heart only because I know it all too well. I have 3 boys and my 11 year old is going through that mean stuff with boys his age. Except now a days it is worse with rumors that he is gay and has a boyfriend. I wish people would understand how damaging it is to souls.
That’s horrible! I know that this sort of thing is nothing new between kids, but it would be wonderful if it were dealt with right from the start. Maybe a little more proactivity on other parent’s parts and even extending into the schools. I don’t know – touching on it in class somehow.
I faced some of that as a child, but it wasn’t until 10 or 11 that the kids really learned how to be cruel. But mean girls at five? That is years before I was expecting to have to deal with it. I can be one nasty mama bear when someone threatens my baby. Not sure how I’m going to handle this.
I never thought it would start this young either! Here I thought we had years to go.
I found myself reading this wanting to be able to say ‘oh, I’m sure they weren’t trying to be mean. I’m sure they were just thoughtless.” But honestly? It really sounds like they were just mean, and that is seriously worrisome when LITTLE girls can do that in front of another kid’s parents!!
My girl (7) is a sensitive one too – she feels everything in her heart so deeply. But I will say, in her brushes with mean girls (esp older ones) she has been remarkably philosophical & resilient. So as much as it breaks our mama hearts, they do have to learn the lessons & navigate their way through it. And its possible, just maybe its possible, that they will do it without lasting scars. (says the cautious optimist.)
It is a tough thing to swallow, knowing that they will face it no matter what we do. It’s just so much harder when they’re little and aren’t even sure of their own feelings yet. That is wonderful that your girl can look at it in such a mature way – I can only hope mine learns to do the same down the road.
URGH. Growing up is so fantastic in so many ways, but then there is the suck. The Epic Suck.
Because really, there needs to be one more thing to suck about growing up. Right?
I know my daughter has run in with the mean girls, and she is in 2nd grade going into 3rd. I have taught her to be nice. BUT now not to take any crap from them. She tells me who and what and I know all the mommas, good thing for small school. If it gets too bad I know I can go to them and say HEY.
I am a momma bear too. You dont hurt my kids feelings. I dont like to teach them to be mean but you dont take crap either. If I were you’d I would have asked Mean Girls how would they like it if someone OLDER treated them that way. Ive asked it before when my son is mean to my daughter.. HOW would you like it if I did what you just did to her? His answer I wouldnt like it very well… OK THEN dont do it again or I will ;)
Oh, there is nothing wrong with being the momma bear! I just wish I thought that quick. It was almost like I was the one being bullied!
You keep making me cry! People at work are going to think I have serious issues.
I pray against the same experiences for our kids… and I ALSO pray against them becoming like the cool kids that tortured us. Is there hope to have neither experience??
I promise I’m not trying :-) And goodness knows we can only hope that they all miss out on “those people” that we knew.
Seriously. ARE YOU IN MY BRAIN? That exact 5th grade story happened to me. I was friends with all the Cool Girls, then suddenly by the end of the year, I was a leper. Crushing, to say the least.
This is the one fear I have about having two girls. I am so scared for the crap they’re going to have to deal with from other girls. Shouldn’t it be the BOYS we have to worry about with our daughters? (which- OH YEAH, THE BOYS TOO.)
The thing that always kills me is how young it starts. Like- where did those young girls learn to be SO MEAN?? I have already made a conscious effort around Maggie to not gossip or say mean things about anybody (which is a good idea all-around in life, really!) So you just wonder what those girls hear at home from their moms… And as much as I don’t want Maggie to get hurt, I also don’t want her to be the one being mean to other kids!
That’s one thing I hope about the girls being so close in age, that they’ll stick together and help one another when it comes to their social circles. Of course, that’s probably a pretty big wish!
I can’t beleive this is coming from 5 year olds…scary! Mean girls totally suck. I can see this starting to happen with Griffin too, who just wants SO BADLY to play with the big kids, but they’re way too cool for him. Better than mean, I guess. My heart goes out to you and little E…as a Mama, it must be SO hard to watch your daughter get treated that way.
Yeah, as long as they aren’t mean, it is so much easier to explain it to them.
Awwww…that picture melted me. Is it a girl thing? Because I swear, my boyz will play with ANYONE who makes eye contact.
I have no idea – E would play with anyone, too.